(a)
Usain Bolt made history on August 16, 2008 with a 9.69 second 100 meter race to win the gold medal for Jamaica. Since then, Usain Bolt has won 8 total gold medals and holds the world record for three events. Usain Bolt was recognized as the fastest man in the world during and after his Olympic career.
The atmosphere at the Beijing National Stadium was terrific and enthusiastic before the 100 meter final. All of the athletes were lined up and in their respective positions. The crowd's roar transitioned into a whisper as they waited in anticipation. Then, the gun fired into the sky, setting off a tumultuous rumble in the air and breaking the silence in the crowd.
The Trinidad and Tobago sprinter Richard Thompson got a magnificent start to his race, one of the bests that I had ever seen. The other runners, such as Usain Bolt, looked shocked and caught off guard by that start. Usain had gained his stride and before you knew it he was gliding past Richard Thompson. Usain then looks around a second later and notices that he is ahead of the competition and in first place. He then slightly puts his arms up in excitement after realizing he made history.
(b)
The extract that I wrote out for Usain Bolt's 100 meter final is mostly informational and sequential after the introductory first paragraph where I was explaining Usain Bolt's accomplishments and his gold medals on August 16, 2008, the day that the autobiography extract is describing. The autobiography extract is also sequential and all about Usain's perspective, rather than the race or Olympics as a whole. The autobiography extract also incorporates onomatopoeia before two of the paragraphs to bring imagery of the blank handgun used to start races as well as the motion Usain did as the race started. Both the extract and my writing are split up by paragraphs, but Usain's autobiography includes sentences as paragraphs instead of multiple sentences. This could be for emotional effect, a way to express his thought process during the race. The autobiography extract is more detailed in the specific event that is being described than my newspaper report. My report is more of a summary of what happened, while Usain's autobiography extract is more about how he felt and thought during the 100 meter final in the 2008 Beijing Olympics. The autobiography extract is more accurate on the events and more detailed about them as the extract is written by Usain Bolt himself, making it one of the most reliable sources for the 2008 Beijing Olympics.
Usain Bolt's word choice in this autobiography extract is pretty relaxed and casual. The lexical choices he makes is informal, but it doesn't discredit the autobiography extract. The word choice in my newspaper report was more formal than the autobiography extract. The report I wrote contains many adjectives to describe the event and setting as a whole. Usain Bolt's language in his extract is written as if he were telling the story in person. When he states "I burst from the blocks, but Richard Thompson, the Trinidad and Tobago sprinter, was in a lane next to me and he got a start like nobody else in history of the Olympics", it gives a more immersive tone for the reader from the first perspective language in the text.
The structure in the autobiography extract is free-flowing and informal. The text contains formal paragraphs with multiple sentences and paragraphs only containing a single sentence. This shows the writer's thought process during the event, as his thoughts get slower or he only focuses on one subject at a certain point in the event. The text that I wrote only contains formal, multiple-sentenced paragraphs. Which differs from the autobiography extract.
After reviewing these questions, I have given each section a score that I feel is best.
ReplyDeleteIn Question A for AO1, I would give you 2 marks viewing your somewhat ‘limited’ use of understanding the text's meaning, context, and audience. The information you gave in the first paragraph, “ Usain Bolt made history on August 16, 2008, with a 9.69 second 100-meter race to win the gold medal for Jamaica…”, was not in the text. You didn't use the information found in Usain Bolt’s extract. Though in paragraphs two and three, you did provide exact information and examples. “Then, the gun fired into the sky, setting off a tumultuous rumble in the air and breaking the silence in the crowd.” This sentence amplified the firing of the gun and the mood of the race with your added adjectives. This news report’s audience pertains to anyone who may want to know about the events at the 100-meter run.
For AO2, I would give you 3 marks regarding your evident expression and occasional errors. I would say your weakest paragraph where you included most of your ‘errors’ would be paragraph one. As stated previously, you used information that was not in the text. Though throughout your newspaper report, you had a clear expression that was easy to understand. When discussing the context in your text, you stayed on track besides paragraph one. This context was appropriate and developed distinctly.
In Question B for AO1, I would give you 3 marks taking into account your straightforward use of texts and transparent references to characteristics features. You also had apparent comparative knowledge. You compared your extract with the autobiography by going back and forth between sentences comparing and contrasting.
For AO3, I would give you 8 marks regarding your detailed analysis of form, structure, and language elements. In paragraph one you focused on form, discussing the ‘sequential’ in the writing. “The autobiography extract is more detailed in the specific event that is being described than my newspaper report. My report is more of a summary of what happened…” That shows the form your response had. You also included the ‘emotional effect’ the form of the autobiography has. Instead of writing in paragraphs, Usain used sentences. Paragraph two focused on language. You used ‘relaxed’ and ‘chill’ to describe his writing, and discussed how his ‘lexical choices’ were informal. You also talked about the tone of Usain’s extract. Finally, in paragraph three, you discussed structure; “The structure in the autobiography extract is free-flowing and informal.” In each paragraph, you examined a new element.
Good Job!!
Hey Matty, your blog was very good and I liked the background you gave about Usain Bolt and how many metals he holds. You use great dramatic words like “Terrific,” and “Ethusiatic,” to describe how the crowd feels. Your language and tone sound like a newspaper article and like you are describing it to the reader. For question 1 A I would give you on the AO1 a level 3 and for the AO2 I would give a level three as well. The only thing I would change is to focus more on the race itself and try to make it creative rather than focusing more on the background.
ReplyDeleteOn question B, you correctly identify the word choice as being relaxed and casual. As well as the structure is informal. I like how you write about the “use of paragraphs “in the autobiography rather than shorter sentences. For question B I would give AO1 A level 4 and a Level 4 for AO3.